What I've done
by Oustiti
Summary: This is a dark 4x3 love story! There'll be a lot of Abby in as well. Warning characters dead. Rated T for safety suicide, rude languish, drug and maybe even rape planned in the up coming chapters. Please Read and Review. Chapter 3 newly on!
1. Chapter 1: What I've done

**What I've done**

_In this farewell,  
__There's no blood,  
There's no alibi._

A tear rolled down a young man's eye, a tear of pain, fear, hurt and eternal regret. A tear that didn't matter to the world as no one saw it anyway as this youngster walked, with an orange soaked hoody, threw the rain.

'_Cause I've drawn regret,  
From the truth,  
Of a thousand lies. _

'I should have told you, the truth and not those ever coming lies. Always the same excuses, always the same pain, the same fear, the same lies but at the same time the same butterflies in my head, the same love that I felt in every fiver of my body. Now only the regret is left…'

_So let mercy come,  
And wash away… _

Cold rain was falling from the sky. Falling, for ever on these empty streets with no one around to give comfort to those who need it.

_What I've done.  
I'll face myself,  
To cross out what I've become.  
Erase myself,  
And let go of what I've done. _

A freezing breeze passed the teen that was standing in the rain on the middle of the bridge looking to the dark sky.

_Put to rest,  
What you thought of me.  
While I clean this slate,  
With the hands,  
Of uncertainty. _

He closed his eyes letting the rain fall on his face. A storm being unleashed around him, thunder splitting the sky revealing a face drowned in tears.

_So let mercy come,  
And wash away… _

'Tears coming to no end, never stopping as they keep falling, keep streaming down my face. How come that I always hurt those for who I care the most?'

_What I've done.  
I'll face myself,  
To cross out what I've become.  
Erase myself, __  
And let go of what I've done. _

'I'm paying now. I lost the thing that was the most precious to me in this dark world. The only person who always smiled to me. The trust, the warmth, the heath, the love, the passion.'

_For what I've done_

The teen looked down at the water flowing under him and the bridge. Slowly he placed his hands on the bars lifting himself to the other side. He was standing on the outside border of the bridge, his only support were his hands that kept a tight hold of the bars of the bridge while he slowly leaned forwards. 'I was the cause of your pain, your pain that hurts me even more. You took away the pain, it was too much for you, the lies were to much, the never ending lies. Now I will stop those lies …'

_I start again,  
And whatever pain may come.  
Today this ends,  
I'm forgiving what I've done._

With this the young men let go of the bars and fell forwards towards the freezing water. It seemed as if he was flying, flying towards the water, towards the release of his soul…

_I'll face myself,  
To cross out what I've become.  
__Erase myself,  
And let go of what I've done.  
__What I've done._

'Falling back in the passion, back in the love, falling…'

_Forgiving what I've done. _

'...Falling for ever into you…. '

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**Authors note:** The lyrics are from "What I've done" form Linkin Park. When I first heard the song, I loved it right away although it gave me a very dark feeling. I know this might be pretty sad and look a bit witty but still this chapter just felt so good to write. Originally I planned this as a one shot-song fic but then I came up with a much bigger story that I think you guys might like. I know that it's still quite messy right now but things will reveal themself during the story. I hope you like this part and there is more to come but PLEASE REVIEW if you think I should continue!!!

I own neither the lyrics neither the KND characters.


	2. Chapter 2: Wally’s diary

** Wally's diary**

******** Rewind  
Back, back into the past…  
…………………**  
**Cruddy school, cruddy teachers, cruddy yet again 0 on another test. Men I hate it when this happens. Well yeah hate, this means I'll have to get extra classes again, from Kuki so it's not all that bad, it's great actually (not that I do it on purpose, completely ). Anyway you would think that with all the hours that I spend with her I would have told her by now, ha guess again. I'm the biggest woes on this planet if you're talking about the love thing. Well yeah almost the biggest woes, Numbuh 2 and I make a good team on these kinda things. I can't believe he's okay with Abby dating Maurice. You should have seen his face when she said she was having a relationship with him and then Hoagie just nodded and smiled to her saying he was happy for her. For cruds sakes he cried all night long about it and from the looks from Abs face she was hoping on a very different answer that moment. I don't get how Abby could do something like that to him. All right maybe he should have told her by now but it's just he's shy, even shyer then I am. Stupid Maurice, don't get me wrong he's a nice guy and I'm sure he'll be a gentlemen to Abby but it's just not right. Well who am I anyway to be saying these kinda things. I have been having a crush on Kuki since I first saw her, since the first words she said to me she makes my heart melt every time. And that the past 10 years. Yes I know I'm pathetic: 10 years, thousands opportunities to tell her, thousand hugs later and still I can't bring my self to confess to her those 3 simple words: I luv you! I luv you so bloody much Kuki Sanban. This is probably the closest I'll ever come to tell her. Maybe I should be a bit more as Nigel. He is the only one of us with a bit of guts in our group, he and Abby of course. He finally dumped that cruddy girl …what's her name again…right Lizzie. He dumped her and started something with Rachel, you know Numbuh 362. Kuki and Abby say that she had had a crush on him since the good old KND days. Well this leaves me and Hoagie as eternal singles. Well actually not us alone: Fanny (yup dudes that's how we're aloud to call Numbuh 86 these days) and Kuki as well. About Fanny it doesn't surprises me a bit, I mean if a guy would dare asking ask her out she'd kill him on the spot. If there is a party going on she always goes alone and occasionally with Numbuh 2 if he isn't able to get Cree, who is a lot nicer and friendlier to us these days (yeah I know I wouldn't believe it unless I had seen it myself), to come along. But when Hoagie asks her she's still acting bitchy. To be honest I once went with her to a party as well, Numbuh 3 was going with that cruddy guy The Kid. I thought I would rip his eyes out later but I didn't even have to as Kuki slapped him and called him the worst cruddy things on the world after he had whispered something in her ear. After that time he never asked her again, maybe the fact that I started a fight with the sick pervert the next day when I saw him at gym has something to with it as well. I beat that cruddy bastard up, though I got myself a black eye and a month of detention as well, but hell it was worth it. But anyway about the Numbuh 86 thing. To my big surprise when I asked her out to try and make Kuki jealous she didn't beat the crap out of me, or she wasn't all bitchy as usual but she accepted. I used to think she might be gay but Abby said Rachel told her Fanny likes me. I vaguely remember that back in the old KND days she might have said something like it but I don't remember and to be honestly I don't really care either. All right I must say we all grew to like her and she's definitely one of the group now but she'll never be anything more than a good friend to me. I luv Kuki, I always did and always will. And for some reason she never has a boyfriend either not that she couldn't have one if she liked she has so many guys who're going totally crazy for her but she always just says "no thank you " with a sweet smile. Hoagie says she's waiting for me to confess my true feelings. Me on the other hand, I have a lot of cruddy girls who're trying everything to get me along as well. But it's not because they like me it's because Chad (the old Numbuh 274), Abs, me and two others guys (about who I couldn't care less) are in a band. Yes I'm planning on becoming a rock star! It's the only thing I'm possibly smart enough for. If I can make it this year, my last year at school. I am almost turning 18 and I'm definitely gonna do something with music. But then I have to make sure I pass this year, crud. My cruddy dad is forcing me to finish school. I don't get why that cruddy asshole is doing this. Since mom and Joe left he doesn't care anymore. No wait that's wrong he didn't care before either. Mom and Joe went back to Australia leaving me here with that workaholic who calls himself my dad. Sometimes I think I had rather gone along with mom and Joe but I couldn't leave my friends. Actually I rather went living all the time at the old tree house but mom made me promise that I'll keep an eye on dad. She stills luv's him even after he screwed up over and over again. Maybe that's why I can't bring myself to tell Kuki my true feelings, because I'm afraid that I'll screw it up as well. I'm not good enough for Kuki. I mean I'm totally starting to look like a cruddy bad boy. I rather not but it's Chad. He's the leader of our band and he's pulling me in the wrong direction. I wonder if Abby knows how he really is. He is really the kind of sex, drug and rock and roll guy but I think he knows his limits, at least I hope so. But he's only like that when Abbs isn't around, he's afraid of her. Abby is living in the exact same world as the guys and me and still she knows how to keep her life on the right track at the same time. Her grades are good, her personal life seems all right and she is rarely caught in a fight although she argues with Chad a lot, but she doesn't want to tell me why. I think she's trying to watch over me. You know like a big sis trying to be sure I won't end up like him, she makes me feel like a baby sometimes but I'm greatfull thoug. I mean she has always been the one watching over us and stuff and with dad these days I can use it. But the only person who really can keep going the right way is Kuki. One smile of her sweet face makes me forget everything. We're best friends although I wish we were more sometimes. She finally got a bit less 'rainbow cruddys' fan but I still have to endure her giving me one once in a while. I still hate those cruddy things but I just take them, try not to say the word crud and throw them on the bunch of them I have in my closed. With Abby and Rachel trying to push me to Kuki, I even gave her presents the past years. You should have seen her face the first time I gave her one of those cruddy rainbow monkeys; she jumped around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. Since that time I made it a habit to give her a present when you're supposed to give someone a present although I try to give as less as possible cruddy monkeys.  
Well gotta stop now, history class is finally over. Next up is gym (only useful class if you ask me) and then time to skip (cruddy maths), the band and me are gonna have an extra practice. Even Abby is coming although she isn't really skipping as she doesn't has any classes the last hour. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

School has been over for hours and so does our concert so now it was just gonna be sitting in the pub with mates.

"Abby doesn't like to admit it but Chad was right, this concert was one of our best we had so far."

I thought I had to die before Abby would ever say that Chad was right. "Yeah it was okay!" I admitted although I was with my thoughts elsewhere. Kuki hadn't been there and she never misses one of our concerts, I wondered why she wasn't there.

"Hey Wally! Earth to Wally is there any live in that head of yours."

I shook my head to exit my trance again. I had just dumbly followed Numbuh 5 and we had arrived at our usual table were Hoagie and Nigel were already sitting.

"Just dreaming." I mumbled.

"Hmm, the last time Numbuh 5 checked she didn't need glasses: were are Kuki and Fanny?" Abby asked as we sat down at the table.

"Dunno actually." Hoagie admitted.

"Probably buying cruddy rainbow monkeys!" I said grinning meanly.

"Numbuh 86? Yeah right, there is just as much chance you would." Nigel responded.

They have no idea, well actually I rather forget it as well: going disguised as a girl to a sleep over party of the higher operatives isn't really one of my proudest moments. Those stupid girls even believed me, HA! Now who's stupid?

"Well guys I don't know about you but I'm gonna leave." Nigel said getting up and taking his coat.

"I should better go home as well." Abby said following his exampled.

"Could you give me ride?"

"Sure, what about you Beetles?" Abby asked as she and Hoagie were waiting for my answer.

"Naaah, I'm gonna hang around a little longer." I said as I took an other slip of beer.

"Well…alright see you!" Abby said after doubting a little while.

"I'm sure Numbuh 3 had a good reason for not making it in time!" Hoagie whispered to me just before he left to follow Abby.

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**Authors note: **Yup this is a sunnier chapter. I couldn't just go on and tell you what happened right away, I wouldn't have a story. But don't worry things will get darker soon as you'll see what drove Numbuh 4 to what he did/or tries to do (hehe teaser, who knows if he's dead or not. You'll have to wait. (I know though XD) ) at the first chapter. This is more a kind of introduction chapter (I can assure you this is the brightest the story will ever get). But I hope you like it. And thanks for all the nice reviews Please keep Reviewing!!!


	3. Chapter 3: Numb

**Numb**

They had all left an hour ago leaving me by my lonesome. I had just decided to leave when Chat joined me and convinced me to stay here with him and the guys. I think Numbuh 5 would be disappointed if she knew, I can imagine her glare at me. But what's the point, she has been pissed on me the last time anyway: handing around that much with Chat.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
__Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)_

One more time, just one more time then I'll stop. I swear it! Well here it goes. Once again I am piercing my flesh with those cruddy needles, pushing the fluid into my arm. Here goes an other another great trip. Man the guys would totally kill me if they knew what I was doing. I can't help it, once again it is Chats fault. He convinced me to try it once, so I did and now I'm stuck. I don't want to but I just can't stop.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

I wish I wasn't doing this, what happened to the old me? It's my dads fault, my dad and Chat. Man I'm pathetic, next things I'll know I'll be crying like a cruddy girl. Well that's not gonna happen anytime soon. For the time being I'm still spared of that. Just sitting in the sofa while I'm strumming a bit on my guitar. Yeah guess I never mentioned that before: I'm the guitarist and once in a while I sing a word. Chat is the lead singer; so surprising don't you think he always has to be in the middle of the attention. The guy with the little beard is our drum player (I think he used to be from the KND cleaning service. You know the idiots who had to clean up our mess trying to keep things 'secret(?!)'.) His mate (the only one of use who didn't use to be a KND) is our bass, I don't like them.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take_

As a matter of fact the only one in our band I like is Numbuh 5. Abby is our Keyboard player and Mix girl although she actually plays the piano. And sometimes she sings, I would never have thought it in the old days but Abby really has a great voice when she sings. She completely wipes Chat of the stage when she does. That's why he doesn't let her sing too often but she doesn't mind anyway. Crud, the bearded guy vomited in the middle of the place. Well their problem 'cause I ain't gonna clean it up. Maybe it's better that they 're all so high, at least they don't notice me with my diary here.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

Men I feel so numb, just sitting here. You know music sounds weird when you're high. Crud I need to get sober again I was gonna check on Kuki hours ago because she hadn't shown up at the bar. I'm gonna tell you a bit more about that angelic person but you'll have to wait as I'm gonna start at the beginning. Well we all started developing the past years. For Abby and me it has been music. Although I must admit I enjoy writing a lot as well (it's the only thing I can do when I'm not sober). Hoagie is weirdly enough quite good at sports by now while he's still a genius at the computer stuff but he's miserably failing in being the funny guy. Nigel is still all on set on the being a leader thing (that is as long as he is not involved with someone as it's not in relationships) and the KND stuff, although now it is the TND stuff. That's right we're still all operatives. The TND works together with the KND, it's like some kind of marriage between companies Nigel says (no idea what that means though). For Rachel it's still the big boss thing as well and Fanny is totally getting into the feminist political thing. Kuki has turned her interest to the drawing. She says she wants to go study arts after our high school. Kuki, that's right I almost forgot I'm supposed to go see if she's alright. I stand up walking to the door slowly, from what I hear it's raining outside. Great that'll sober me up!

_And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you  
_  
Chat stops me, grabbing me by the shoulder. "What 'cha up to Beetles!" he asks his voice sounding all weird. Now I know he's grabbing me to stay on his feet and not necessarily to stop me. "None of your business!" I snapped back. (Why not, he will have forgotten everything by tomorrow.) "Come one Beetles leave your girls to wait and stay here just as the rest of us. If you want to be a rocker you have to."

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

"I'm not planning to be like you!" I said aggressively pushing him of off me. Then I stormed out. I don't want to be like him, I don't want to be like him, I don't want to be like him. I keep repeating it to myself over and over. I want to be me again.  
_  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

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**Author's note:** I don't own the lyrics, they're from from "Numb" form Linkin Park. You can expect song chapters regularly (it was the only way I could come up to visualize the music). As Wally is a rock star music is something very important for him so that's why. I am quite sure that I will only be using Linkin Park songs for this story (I think they fit the idea and create the right atmosphere). For those who thought the previous chapter was to jolly or boring don't worry from here on things will only get darker and action is coming. This is just my (first) try to create a sex, drugs and rock and roll story from a dark angle. Anyway I hope you like it and please REVIEW! (But please no flamers.)


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